so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
