i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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