How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
