I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
