well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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