It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
