Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
