Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
