Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
