I just gift wrapped bread.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
