I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
