I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
