A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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