i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
