first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
