I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
