Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The air was thick with penises
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
