i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
