Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
