The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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