like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This baby is an asshole
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
