she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
