as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
