Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
