Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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