Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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