party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
