no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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