The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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