he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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