I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drake has all the answers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
