i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
