smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
