last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
