the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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