A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
