the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
