I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
