Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
