I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
