Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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