just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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