i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
