Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
