You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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