I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
