I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
