my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
