He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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