my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
